Killer Tennis
by Darth Claire
Summary: The Seigaku boys take karate. Inspired by the episode where Akutsu attacks the Seigaku members and they JUST FREAKING STAND THERE! My first PoT fic, please review. [complete]
1. Chapter 1

Title: Killer Tennis  
Author: Darth Claire  
Beta: Ickybicky

Pairing: none, sorry  
Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own PoT. The team gets Karate lessons. Inspired by the episode where Akutsu attacks the Seigaku members and they JUST FREAKING STAND THERE!

* * *

"You're over reacting Tezuka, it was an isolated incident." Oishi said, reluctantly following Tezuka down the hall. They were taking time out of practice to do this. Oishi had disapproved of both of them being away from the club, but Tezuka insisted it wouldn't take more than 15 minutes and that having both of them there would give a better impression. 

"What about the Basketball players who were picking on Horio and Echizen?" Tezuka countered. Oishi mumbled in concession, noting sadly that their freshmen just seemed to make good targets.

"Ok, I'll give you that one, but these guys hate us for no good reason. Do you really expect them to help?"

"I have an idea." Tezuka said.

"I still think it's a waste of time, you're taking away an entire day of training for this."

"Inui seems to think we would benefit from training other muscles that tennis doesn't use."

"You're just not going to let me win this are you?"

"When you're the captain Oishi, then you can win the arguments."

Tezuka and Oishi walked into the small room which was home to the Karate club on Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays. It wasn't one of the more popular or notable clubs at the school and sometimes had to switch or share rooms. In truth, the facilities enjoyed by the tennis club were the envy of every sport club at the school, but with Seigaku's reputation as a tennis powerhouse, that was only natural. Unfortunately, being the envy of the school meant they had to deal with the actually envy of the school. The Captain Anzai of the Karate club noticed them in the doorway and motioned for his vice captain to take over.

"Well, well." He said in an unfriendly manner. "If it isn't the mighty Tezuka Buchou. What brings you down to mingle with us commoners?"

An indignant look crossed Oishi's face. He and Anzai had crossed paths before. Last year they had frequently been paired up on school projects. Their disastrous working relationship had almost caused Oishi to fail science. Tezuka, a master of concealing any emotion bowed in greeting.

"I have a request." He said. "A recent incident has raised some concerns for the safety of my team members and I would like for you to teach them self defense."

"Did someone finally decide they'd had enough of you asking like you're better than everyone else?"

"A rival tennis team. It appears to be an isolated incident, but I would like to do something about it. I would like for you to teach my team Karate once a week. I understand that you have no place to practice on Thursday afternoon so in return you would have full use of the locker room and tennis courts during that session."

"So what? You're so good now, you can take a day off and try other sports?"

"Maybe the Judo club is interested." Oishi mumbled, trying unsuccessfully to pull Tezuka back out the door. This guy was really getting on his nerves.

"The club's manager as assured me that this will not be in anyway detrimental and may in fact help."

"Hmm, and we get the tennis courts to practice?"

"As long as my team practices with you. I only ask that you vacate 30 minutes before we do to allow us a short tennis practice."

"For crying out loud Buchou!" The Karate vice captain yelled. "It's a good offer, take it!"

"Fine, we'll see you on Thursday." Tezuka and Oishi bowed and left the Karate club to their practice.

* * *

That Thursday the two clubs stood side by side giving each other strange looks. Tezuka addressed the club. 

"Due to a recent incident of club member's being attacked-"

"I told you I fell!" Ryoma yelled. Tezuka ignored the outburst and continued.

"We will be learning karate starting today. Anzai Buchou will be your instructor. Give him the same respect and attention you would me." The "or run 20 laps" went without saying. Tezuka joined the ranks of the Tennis club and the lesson started.

With a few exceptions, the Tennis club was coordinated enough to keep up with the martial arts crash course Anzai had designed. Momo almost hit someone in the back of the head, but over all things went smoothly. The most notable examples to the contrary were Horio and Eiji. Eiji was unfortunately not accustom to failing his legs around while not in the air and lost his balance learning the kicks. He vaulted off his hand and kicked Horio in the head. The freshman spent the rest of the lesson dodging the unsteady acrobat and regretting his decision to spend 2 years sucking at tennis rather than martial arts. Kawamura, having experience in karate, watched his teammates sympathetically.

After learning punches and kicks, they paired off to learn locks and self defense. Most of the karate members were patient enough not to laugh as the Tennis club fumbled their way through the unusual motions. Eiji with his acrobatic flexibility ended up twisting himself into a pretzel while Anzai was demonstrating a hold. In a demonstration of his unusual acrobatic prowess, he jumped and twisted his body around the hold back into a normal position for his arm.

"Quit twisting!" Anzai yelled. He hadn't thought something like that was possible.

"But it hurts!" The karate captain released him. Giving up on that move for the moment, he chose Kaidoh to assist in the demonstration of a standing center lock. He cranked the Snake's hand slightly, earning an immediate scream from the Snake.

"Needs greater flexibility in the wrists." Inui mumbled to himself, making a note in his journal.

"Can't take a little wrist lock, SnaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Momo's taunt was cut short as it was proven that he couldn't take it either.

"Uh, Anzai, Buchou?" One of the Karate members said nervously. "Can I switch partners?" Everyone looked at the Karate member who was hold Fuji's hand at a very unnatural angle. Then tensai's usual smile was plastered across his face, not showing the slightest hint of discomfort. Anzai looked stared at the tensai, his face turning green. What was wrong with these people?

"That's enough for the wrist locks today." He said.

"Anzai Buchou." Arai said. "Can you show us how to disarm someone holding a tennis racket?"

"Who attacks someone with a tennis racket?"

"It happens!" Ryoma, Tezuka, Arai, and the black hair freshman insisted forcefully.

"How can that little ball hurt anyone."

"Would you like a demonstration?" Oishi said through clenched teeth. Anzai had been civil throughout the whole experience up to this point, and had proved to be knowledgeable and a good teacher, but Oishi had an extremely short fuse when it came to dealing with the Karate Buchou.

"Yeah, I would." Anzai challenged back, not wanting to loose face.

"Echizen." Ryoma took his racket and prepared to serve the ball.

"Right hand Echizen and not the twist serve, we don't want to kill him."

Ryoma nodded and switched hands. He served the ball right into Anzai's chest, knocking the senior black belt flat on his back. Anzai wheezed, trying desperately to catch his breath.

"You… People… Are… Psy…cho…tic!" He said, gasping for air.

"You asked for a demonstration." Oishi said smugly.

"You're all … Nuts! The Pretzel guy, …the one who never stops smiling, … that … that KID!"

"Come on now Anzai, what harm could a little old ball have done." Oishi teased him.

"Oishi! Echizen! Twenty laps!" Tezuka ordered from the other side of the court. Ryoma ran off with a 'What did I do?' look on his face. Anzai stood up and ran to the front.

"Class is over! Attention, Bow." The karate club filtered out after their frantic captain.

"We're not psychotic." Kawamura said to Momo.

"This from the schizo?"

* * *

The next Thursday the Karate club showed up minus a few members and led by their vice captain. 

"Anzai Buchou had some club matters to take care of so I'll be leading the class." He explained to Tezuka.

"Specifically, he decided to hold out door meditation sessions for the seniors and leave us to the vice captain." Eiji said, ever the little gossip.

Momo hung his head. "We are that scary I guess."

"Made made dane. Maybe the vice captain knows how to disarm someone with a racket."


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Killer Tennis 2  
Author: Darth Claire  
Beta:

Pairing: None, sorry  
Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Yeah, I know I said it was a one-shot but Anzai is a total masochist and wanted to get his ass kicked by Echizen again. Nameless Karate vice captain now called Kusanagi.

**oooooo**

"Kusanagi-sensei!" Eiji called. "I can't get this right!"

The vice captain of the karate team ran over to his usual problem pupil. He hoped that Kikumaru was good at tennis because he had absolutely no talent for the martial arts. He had tried pairing up with the implausibly flexible tennis player in order help him, but had soon discovered that Eiji could be very irritating in large doses. He had found it better to pair the spastic acrobat with his double's partner. Oishi seemed to learn things quickly when Kusanagi demonstrated them and could explain them in a way that Eiji eventually understood. Not to mention his patience with the bouncy redhead seemed to be inexhaustible. He couldn't understand Anzai Buchou's dislike of the tennis club vice captain. Kusanagi was rather impressed by him.

"No, that hand has to cross underneath. Yeah, like that. Oishi-san, keep working with him on that please."

"NOT THE LEFT FUJI!" Tezuka screamed. Such outbursts were very uncharacteristic of the stoic captain, but Fuji had a tendency to "forget" about Tezuka's bad elbow during self defense. Kusanagi ran over to see to the other thorn in his side.

"Sorry" He said in a chipper voice, releasing Tezuka from the arm bar. Kusanagi resisted the temptation to reprimand the smiling tensai. Fuji seemed to enjoy causing pain, so Kusanagi had paired him with the tennis captain, assuming Fuji would have enough respect for Tezuka as a friend and a captain to not be so much like himself. The plan had met with limited success. Fuji still seemed to enjoy torturing his captain, but Tezuka didn't seem as bother by Fuji as most people did.

Kusanagi shook his head and walked over to where Echizen was trying in vain to escape from Momoshiro's head lock. "One of these days I'll be tall enough to do this!" He threatened, flailing wildly and trying to catch his spiky hair senpai under the nose.

"Mada mada dane, Echizen!" Momo suddenly let go as he was choked from behind by his longtime rival, Kaidoh.

"Look who's talking you spiky haired moron!" Kaidoh gloated as Momo struggled against the hold.

"You wanna fight Snake?" Momo gasped. Kusanagi sighed.

"Momoshiro, turn your head into the crook of him arm, step out, drop down and elbow him in the stomach." He instructed the struggling second year.

"PRETEND to elbow him in the stomach!" Kawamura yelled. Momo wasn't usually the type of person who would take a cheap shot like that, but when it came to Kaidoh, he would take advantage of a loophole. It was probably a mistake to teach those two how to fight and actually be able to inflict some damage.

Kusanagi realized his error and nodded his thanks to Kawamura. One of the saving graces of the club was the bipolar senior who had taken karate before. Kawamura was a great help in instructing his teammates since he knew them better that Kusanagi did. It was a very strange group, but if you hung around long enough they were a lot of fun. The only one that bothered Kusanagi was Inui who had a weird habit of taking notes on everyone. Maybe he could convince Anzai to come back now that they had a handle on the basics.

**oooooo**

"You mean you actually managed to teach them something?" Anzai asked skeptically while he and Kusanagi stretched out for practice.

"I'm going to start teaching them a basic kata next week." Kusanagi bragged. "You should come check them out sometime."

Anzai would never admit it, but his vice captain was a much better teacher. By convention, the captain and vice captain were the two members in the 2nd and 3rd year with the highest rank. Anzai had never thought very highly of this arrangement as it presented the possibility of the captain being a 2nd year. He didn't like having a second year for a vice captain and took every opportunity to prove his superiority.

"Well if they're so good, let's see how they do in a few sparing matches." Anzai snapped back. Sometimes his vice captain could really uppity. It annoyed the hell out of the karate Buchou, but then again, there were few things that didn't. Besides, he would love the chance to 'accidentally' punch that stupid Oishi in the face.

"Give me a couple of weeks to work with them on that." Kusanagi said. He had run the team through some basic sparing drills, but he needed more practice with actual matches.

"Ok, we'll see just how well you've taught them in 3 weeks."

**ooo **Three Weeks Later **ooo**

"What is the meaning of this, Kusanagi-san?" Tezuka demanded. The Karate vice captain cringed. Knowing how much Tezuka and Oishi disliked Anzai, Kusanagi had 'forgotten' to inform them that the captain would be showing up to today's practice.

"Captain Anzai wanted to see how your club was progressing." Kusanagi ventured.

"I don't buy that for a second." Oishi mumbled. He was certain that Anzai had a far more sinister motive for setting up the format of the practice today.

"Very well." Tezuka said calmly. "We will proceed with the sparing as planned."

Kusanagi nodded and left to start organizing the club for sparing.

"Are you crazy?" Oishi asked in a hushed voice. "I don't think Anzai's here because he wants to "evaluate" our progress. He probably wants to humiliate us. I don't care how much we've learned, we're no match for the Karate club!"

"I know." Tezuka said. "I don't expect any one to win. Well maybe Kawamura, no one will think less of us for loosing sparing matches to the Karate club. The point of this whole endeavor was to teach our member's how to defend themselves. That's not something you can learn doing drills up and down the court. It's just like tennis. People tend to evolve faster when they play a match."

"Yeah, I'd like to evolve my fist into that bastard's smug face!" Oishi grumbled. They took their places in line.

"We're going to hold sparing matches today." Kusanagi announced to the two clubs. "Tennis club, remember that this is just practiced. Hit lightly, you don't want to kill anyone. Karate club," He said, looking pointedly at Anzai. "Same thing. Tennis club pair off with the Karate club. You'll have to take turns since we don't have enough gear."

"I'll take the first match." Anzai said strapping on the protective gear.

"So will I." Tezuka volunteered stepping on Oishi's foot to shut him up. He was not going to allow a death match between the two. A 'friendly' match between the captains would be better. Tezuka put on a set of sparing gear and squared off against Anzai. He was soundly beaten, but did manage a few hits. Anzai's expression said it was a few too many.

"Good job." Anzai said through clenched teeth. "Remember to keep your guard up."

Tezuka took the criticism gracefully, which irritated Anzai further, and they bowed. Fuji had the next match. A poorly aimed front kick caught his opponent in the groin, resulting in a disqualification for excessive contact. There was no doubt however that Fuji would be fully capable of defending himself in a real fight.

After they rotated through the small Karate club Anzai came up again. Kawarmura was volunteered by Tezuka before anyone else could speak up, much to Oishi's chagrin. Oishi stood on the side lines pouting until he felt a finger tap his elbow.

"Hey, Oishi-senpai." Ryoma said in a quiet, conspiratorial voice. Oishi looked at the freshman who was beside him holding a tennis racket.

"Anzai Buchou never did show us how to disarm someone with a weapon." Ryoma smirked.

Oishi smiled darkly and took the racket from Ryoma. Kusanagi signaled the start of the match. Oishi threw the racket at Kawamura.

"Taka-san!" Kawamura looked at Oishi and caught the racket without thinking. He immediately powered up to Burning mode and attacked. Startled, Anzai backed away to regain his composure. Kawamura swung at him but Anzai ducked and the racket swished over his head. Kawamura reversed the swing and Anzai instinctively parried, putting an arm bar on Kawamura and then twisting the racket out of his grip. Kawamura immediately reverted to his normal self and bowed in apology.

"I'm sorry sensei!"

"See Anzai!" Oishi taunted, trying to contain his laughter. Echizen had given up on that and was clutching his stomach. "People DO attack with tennis rackets!"

"Oishi! Echizen! 20 laps!" Tezuka ordered, struggling to keep a straight face. Anzai glared at him and resumed his match with Kawamura on more even footing.

"I don't see why Tezuka is so mad at us." Oishi said to Ryoma. "He was the one worried about us defending ourselves. Don't you think it's likely we'd use a tennis racket as a weapon?"

Ryoma nodded. "We've asked him to show us how to fight someone with a racket. It's his fault we had to force a demonstration."

**ooo **A week later **ooo**

"I'm pleased with this club's progress." Kusanagi said the next week at practice. "You did very well in the sparing matches last week. We're going to move on to some more advanced things this week.

"Certain people who know who they are," Tezuka said, looking pointedly at Oishi and Ryoma. Osihi rolled his eyes and Ryoma mutter mada mada dane under his breath. "Will be running laps for the next two weeks as they have proven themselves too immature to learn martial arts."

Tezuka glared at the two trouble makers. He would have made them pick up balls as well if they didn't have a match coming up. The club started learning the moves to Tae Kyoko Shodan and Oishi and Ryoma went to run laps. Oishi tried not to smile too much since it would earn him more laps from his already irritated captain. He was sure had caught a ghost of a smile on Tezuka's lips but the stoic, serious captain would never admit that in a million years. But whatever the punishment the look on Anzai's face had been worth it.

**oooooo**

The End


End file.
